Caught In It

I cannot concentrate on the paper and pen
imagining the white sheets
as something to arch underneath
and grasp with every gasp in my hands
drawing a straight line
to things I cannot put down
to be picked up and discovered later

I sip coffee and it silks itself
to my tongue
like yours
like search and discover tasting
teasing
and slides down my throat
hot and not unpleasant as it burns.

The hard chair reminds me of red cheeks
a glimpse I caught sight of once you’d left
bereft of skin on skin soothing
now wood presses to reference again
but doesn’t make the sound
that cracks in my ears
and intakes my breath.

A salty night of it
I know it has soaked into my skin
wrinkling the tips of my fingers
leaving them staggered and rough
when tracing the lines on my palm
– All creases are distraction today

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Discord

You say darling we’re stardust
I say where’s the hot bed of lust
You say we’re a kindred
I say our love’s the walking dead
You say this is how love is meant to be
I say I can’t love what I just can’t see
You say this is how love feels
I say I got a bum deal
You kiss with hard chaste lips
I want to kiss with grinding hips
You greet with a hug and a smile
I want to fuck more than once in a while
You listen to your own music all day
I want to hear us lose it during foreplay
You read papers and love to talk politics
I want to play with myself and suck your dick
You want to see us all old and grey haired
I can’t breathe anymore here I need air
You want to see my wrinkles as they grow
I want to get out before I explode
You turn to me and say “you’re mine”
I just turn inwards and slowly die.

Slipped Thoughts

A slip of the tongue
a flick of the wrist
breath heathered
eyes Lordwards
snatch Devilwards
I feel your words trickle
down the inside of my thighs
and my own slick itself
to your fingers
for tasting later
for handling fruit with idle thoughts
imagining delving tongue
between soft ripe peach
and bed warmed fig.

God I love to watch you eat.

Right…there

A mistake was made
a slip, with teeth grazing over hip
bone and fingers counting
the pulse in my neck
with tongue reading the fine print
between hungry thighs
and errors counted in lust locked
eyes that knew too much with one touch.
That came, invited, delighted at
the way in which this miscalculation
of misfired sexualisation that shook
me real good this time
placed tongue caught between breath
and beat to expose lip between teeth
to hold back the betrayal
that every shiver gave away
to give way to something forgotten
something shushed to sleep down low.
That hot fizz that starts at the
base of the throat and slides
slow
like honey
like warm malasses
like bourbon over ice
down to spread its heady warmth
in places that hold dark spaces
and matter that matters
that slicks fingers in many mouths
and demands a voice I barely recognise
to beg, please, I can’t afford to remember this.

Find Me

I am fading
The Invisible Cunt
the crevice between my legs
a timeline of past miscalculations
of longitudes in my latitude
of photographic sense-memory
and capsules buried deep
opening with my fingers
late into the night
a solo venture
trying to find where I got lost
of what cliterature is read there
what cunnilinguistics I speak now
where the thoughts
slippery when wet
loosen the grasp I have
on what it means
to be me.

Hang On

I hang around your neck
A fleshy reminder of my being there
Not an elsewhere you can move from
When the weight of me is too much
When the feel of my skin
On yours
Begins to itch a sweat from you
A place to steal away from
And all you want is cool air
To navigate those shoulders of yours
Like a lovers hand
Trailing its desires over bone turned flesh
In a motion to infer more to come
I can feel you shrink away from me
As I let my gravity take place
On something I thought would support me
A strength of character more than form
That I try to ignore
Is lacking in sincerity these days
And I can feel the way your breath
Plays at hiding the sigh that escapes
When I say baby cum for me
With a voice I no longer have
The confidence in to say what I really feel
Which is that I am losing my grasp on us
Losing the feeling of recognition
When I hold you, so rarely now,
And wait for lips that retreat
Behind words tinged with excuses
Tinged with a lack of desire to bother
To pretend you want it anymore.

I Don’t Anymore

What you say to me?
I see lips move
Hands gesture
But the words fall like tumbled letters
From your mouth and into your hands
As you grapple to catch them
Collect them back together,
Form sentence
Construct your pretext.

What you say to me?
The tone hits my face
Like cold wind on chapped skin
Strike across my cheekbone
That tilts my world view
Never to be realigned
Axis forever skewed
From the shock of it all
From the mockery of it all.

What you say to me?
I cannot hear it
The blood thumps through my ears
Drains the veins around my heart
Constricts my throat
Bursts in my temples
To make present the what of
What you are saying
The happening of it all.

What you say to me?
I back away
Startled deer
Headlights of your eyes
Blindingly open finally
Revealing the truth of it
And I am shattered glass
From a fallen fragile frame
On the harshest of concrete.

And so I ask it again,
What you say to me?