See It

Don’t be it, don’t be the child to make me mother
don’t feel the grief in me requires parental consent
jokey faces
silly tone
these be the affordability of you that tells me I need something more.

When did tears become something to fear?
Like streaks of black across the colour of your day,
an affront, a dis-perception
of how you want me to see the world right now,
But god damn it these are the frames I have been given,
the focus choose,
the view askew that just is,
and as much as I wish my vision blurry
do not deny me my eyes.

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Push Pull

I say words you speak replies that shiver and sting off my syntax
I relay thought you say what you think and the smash-box-mouth of us stutters
It’s not your fault. I gave you the crystal ball but burnt the instructions,
hoped you would snort the ash like your favourite purr,
wanted me read like I needed, or spoke softly from my tone
the words in your mouth I wanted foreign.
I feel this, the anger, a constant more than my shadow
and you my love-lust-stranger
mistake of my trust, you just have to go with it…

…or don’t, which is what you are doing now,
and that will be the excuse i need to push you away.

Un-Say It

Ibid this night, tomorrow is a calendar turn I cannot face

Breathe
Inhale / exhale
Chest rise / chest fall
Strange how the motor functions stutter
strain,
stammer
into emotofunctions we don’t know how to control

Air sucked out of a room with no windows opened, doors closed

Hand clamped securely
over nose
over mouth
and I am flailing arms / sitting still
kicking legs / lead weight
the sound of a heartbreak gulped inward
basic biological to-do’s escaping

There’s nothing in or of me that will be able to brace for this fall